Turkey Disasters

In the mid ‘80s, when John Duncan was in seventh grade, he had no business driving. But the day before Thanksgiving, he took his family’s truck for a ride in the woods behind his East Texas house.

“He immediately got it stuck,” says his mom Mary Duncan. “So he ran home and got all the boys [his three older brothers] to come help.”

So the boys did what boys would do and went to rescue their brother and the truck, leaving their new – large – puppy in the kitchen unsupervised. With the Thanksgiving turkey.

The dog had a great Thanksgiving.

It seems almost everyone has a Thanksgiving-turkey disaster story. After all, that turkey is one of the year’s most anticipated mains. And with much pressure, mishaps are bound to happen, resulting in stories that stick. Read on to hear a few.

Too clean
When Nathalie and Terry Ross worked at GE Appliance Park in Louisville, Ky., they inevitably heard about calls to the company’s Answer Center. Nathalie says the most memorable Thanksgiving call was from a woman who put her turkey in the oven and set it to “clean,” thinking the high temperature would cook the bird faster. When her oven automatically locked and began generating very high heat, the turkey caught fire.

“She called us in a panic wanting to know how to get the turkey out,” Nathalie says. “I always remember this when I touch the knobs on my oven and accidentally hit ‘clean’!”

The iguana ate it
Avid gardener and cook Tina Pyne sat down to Thanksgiving dinner with family in New Iberia, La., along with her younger brother and his then 9-year-old son Nickolas. Somehow Nickolas thought it would be a good idea to put Henry, his pet iguana, on his aunt’s head.

When Tina jumped, so did Henry – right down the length of the Thanksgiving table. Over the turkey, through the rice dressing, in the cranberry sauce, landing in the mashed potatoes. “Every person there was covered in flying food,” Tina says. “We went out for Chinese.”

Saving the day
When Melvin Dow was a student at Harvard Law, a fellow student, newly married, invited him and a small group for early Thanksgiving lunch. It was to be his friend’s wife’s first time to host Thanksgiving. Early on, she realized the turkey wasn’t quick to cook, so she offered to make breakfast for her guests. After breakfast, everyone sat visiting and drinking for a few more hours, until the wife again offered a meal – this time lunch – in place of the still-cooking turkey. Several hours later, still the turkey wasn’t ready, so the wife ordered pizza.

Late into the night, she finally presented the turkey, only to cut into it and find it raw. The wife locked herself in her bedroom crying. Melvin and a friend (having taken note of a tip in The New York Times earlier that day) sewed the turkey skin together (to keep the meat moist) and set it back in the oven. Around midnight, everyone sat down to – cooked! – turkey.

A great-looking turkey is totally doable with the right recipe. (Photo: www.lawellphoto.com)

Who’s on first?
Donna Pilgrim, an eighth-grade English teacher at St. Francis Episcopal Day School, negotiated with her mother and grandmother about who should make what for Christmas. Donna was hosting and had young children. Her mom and grandmother offered to bring the bulk so that Donna wouldn’t have too much to do.

“I understood Mom was bringing the turkey,” Donna says. “But when they arrived, my mom, sister and grandmother brought in tons of covered dishes and desserts.” Eventually everyone looked around and said, “Who cooked the turkey?” That’s when Donna’s grandmother shook her head and said, “There goes Christmas spirit.” They had a vegetarian holiday, and still today nobody admits to having been in charge of the turkey.

The oven did it
Helen Spector (who almost had us use an alias for this story) has been married to her husband Andy for over 40 years, hosting numerous successful Thanksgivings. But as newlyweds living in upstate New York, Thanksgiving wasn’t exactly perfect.

“I’m not sure why, but I wanted to cook for my fabulous, extraordinary-cook mother-in-law,” Helen says. “I put the turkey in that morning and kept basting it and looking at it, but it didn’t seem to be cooking. I kept asking Andy what was wrong with it.” Once everything else was ready, Andy tried to carve the turkey, but it was still frozen. So Helen was left to announce, embarrassed, that the turkey wouldn’t be ready this Thanksgiving – maybe next. In a validating moment, she later realized the oven’s thermostat was broken. But the damage stuck: “It took a number of years before I’d do Thanksgiving again.”

Turned-around
When Cherri Carbonara works as a public relations exec, you’d think nothing could baffle her. But the first time she cooked a Thanksgiving turkey for a group of 12, she was stumped. Having awakened early in the morning to put the turkey in the oven, she accidentally roasted the bird upside down – with the bag of parts still inside.

“Everyone in the family was there for the big reveal,” Cherri says. “But when I uncovered the roaster, the first thing I heard was, ‘Is that a turkey?’” All’s well that ends well, though: Cherri says the juices flowed down into the turkey breast, and it tasted great. “A chef I met recently told me that many chefs now cook the bird upside down for this reason! I would recommend trying it.” But without the bagged innards inside.

Distracted defrosting
At some point, everyone’s run a warm faucet over a frozen bird to speed defrosting. But when Heather Kearney did it, life got in the way. “I actually put the turkey in the sink and turned on the faucet because it wasn’t thawing quickly enough,” she says. “Then I was distracted by the phone and raced out of the house to pick up a pie and totally forgot the sink.”

By the time Heather came home, the house was flooded. It took the whole family to clean up. Her father-in-law came over with fans to dry rugs, her mother bought a wet vac, and her son and his friend dried hardwoods with towels. “It’s hilarious now but not at the time!”

If you’re making the turkey this year, avert disaster and think about trying this Herb-Butter Turkey recipe. We can’t promise perfection, but you’ll be off to a good start.

After Thanksgiving, try this Leftover Turkey Sandwich recipe and this Turkey Salad recipe.