Breaking up with your hairdresser

Choosing a hairdresser “is like dating,” says one hair studio owner. “Some clients are monogamous; some jump from chair to chair.” (Photo: James Arturo, behance.net/runamokstudios)

For three years, Donna had great hair, the kind of hair that always looked like she had just emerged from a salon. The kind of hair that, 30 years later, still has her friends talking.

That’s because for three years, 30 years ago, Donna dated her hairdresser.

“He was French, and he was hot,” she says, clarifying that not only was he the hot hairdresser in town, but also that he himself was hot. “From the first time I sat in his chair, he started flirting with me. We went out once, and that was it.

“It was a girl’s dream, the best thing in the world. We’d go out, and he’d fluff my hair. If my hair looked bad, he’d say, ‘Let me fix it for you.’”

But according to Donna (not her real name), her hairdresser-boyfriend “was a player” and eventually found other interests. They broke up, and, she says, her hair “went downhill very quickly.”

“Before I told anyone we had broken up, people knew. Because of the hair situation.”

She’s quick to point out that all was amicable and they remained friends. But it wasn’t comfortable enough for her to keep him on as a hairdresser. “I’ve never found anyone else like him,” she says.

Eric Lindsey, owner of Kharisma Hair Studio here and Salon Myo in Aspen, says picking a hairdresser “is like dating. Some clients are monogamous; some jump from chair to chair. You have to date around and find the hairdresser that works for you.”

While most of us won’t ever experience a hairdresser breakup as personally as Donna did, we’ve probably had to break up, one way or another.

Jane, a mom of three, says she broke up, then got back together, with her current hairdresser. “She was a little moody,” says Jane (not her real name). “The cuts were getting inconsistent, and I couldn’t talk to her about it.” When the hairdresser took a medical leave of absence, Jane says she was desperate for a cut and went elsewhere. “She never contacted me, so I just stayed with the new person.”

Eventually, Jane wound up seeing a colorist at the same salon where her old hairdresser was working. “I saw her and remembered the good times. Now we’re back, and she’s cutting my daughter’s hair, too.

“At first I felt like I had to make up for leaving. But everything was left unspoken, and now we’re fine.”

Bringing a family into the mix, as Jane did, can complicate matters. Teacher Pam’s daughter Anna (not their real names) has been going to the same hairdresser since she was 13. Now that she’s engaged to be married this summer, Anna wants to use someone new for her wedding hairstyle.

The problem, according to Pam, is that the hairdresser is excited to be a part of Anna’s milestone and “probably thinks he’s invited to the wedding.” Compounding matters, the hairdresser recently posted pictures on Facebook of another bride, sharing how proud he was to have styled the bride’s hair throughout her life to her big day.

“He was so happy to be part of the wedding,” Pam says. “I showed Anna the pictures and post because I feel so badly that she doesn’t want to use him, and all Anna could say was, ‘I hate the hair.’”

Darcy Eaves, co-owner and stylist at Studio 3, advises, “You don’t owe your hairdresser an explanation. If you’ve been with them for a long time, it’s nice to call or send a note. But we don’t own our clients.”

Eric, who likens picking a hairdresser to dating, agrees, and adds, joking, “I’m not for everyone. If you want your hair fried and broken off, go see someone else.”

Julie (not her real name), a newscaster, was honest with her hairdresser, and it paid off. “I went to someone for six years and we were close,” she says.

“One day my friend told me my hair was yellow. I hadn’t realized, because you don’t really see yourself. But sure enough it was yellow. So I told my guy, who tried to fix it but couldn’t. Then I went to his salon while he wasn’t there and asked them not to tell him, and they couldn’t fix it. I really wanted to stay with him, but I just couldn’t make it work. So I wrote him a nice letter and mailed it. He texted me and thanked me for being a good friend.”

To this day, the two remain friends. But Julie’s got a new hairdresser. And hair that’s not yellow.