BELLAIRE • MEMORIAL • RIVER OAKS • TANGLEWOOD • WEST UNIVERSITY

Memories that will last

By Meghan Larson, age 17 | April 1, 2017

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BEST FRIENDS Meghan Larson, a junior at Bellaire High School, shares what it feels like when a best friend moves to another city

I have a lot of regrets. Bad decisions. Fighting with my brother. Arguing with my parents. I regret some choices that I have made, some relationships that I have formed, only to be lost. Recently I’ve been asked about a friendship that is being taken away, and I don’t know how I feel.

My best friend is moving away. Over time, my memory of her will fade, and hers of me. I’ll forget the different shades in her hair, the shape of her nose, the way she walks, herself. She’ll forget the sound of my voice, the feel of my hands, my smile, myself. It’s not by choice, it’s by nature. Nature freaking sucks.

I’ve been thinking about what we’ve done in the past, what we’ve talked about, the ups, the downs, the even lower downs, the even higher ups, but it doesn’t seem like enough. It’s not fair that she’s going. But I can’t stop it. I’ve tried crying, pleading, negotiating, begging, but to no avail. Nothing can stop her from leaving me.

The emotions that I’m feeling right now are the lowest of the low. Like I’ve fallen into a pit and broken everything, and I’m in so deep that I can’t see the light at the top. I’ve felt this way before, but at least I’ve had her with me. Now I’m in here alone, and the silence is killing me. The amount of hurt that I’m in right now makes me wonder if I should have even gotten close to her. If the few years of happy is worth the seemingly lifelong amount of pain.

I want to regret our relationship. I really do. It’s so much easier to be angry than it is to be in pain. And sometimes I am angry, but only because I’m devastated. I find that that’s the worst kind of anger, the kind that isn’t really.

Now I have less time with her. Not as many minutes, hours, days. But somehow the Earth will continue to spin. Others will continue to live, and even though it won’t feel like it for a while, I will continue to live, too. I want more than anything to stay with her, but I can’t. And the worst part is that I can’t regret it.

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