A Different Path: Braden's Bar Mitzvah Takes a Turn

David Scott, center, undressed the Torah as Braden Feuer prepared for the Torah portion of his Bar Mitzvah service on the Scott’s driveway. Rabbi Adrienne Scott, right, conducted the service for Braden, left.

Braden Feuer and his family had his Bar Mitzvah, a Jewish coming-of-age ritual, all planned out. For more than a year, they had worked together towards the big weekend: Braden, age 13,  had memorized his Torah portion, relatives were booked to fly in from out of town, his day at Congregation Beth Israel was set, and everything for his party  - from decorations to the photo booth to a DJ  - was organized down to the last detail. It was all going according to schedule until the coronavirus pandemic upended life in Houston - including Braden’s Bar Mitzvah.

“There is a saying that goes: ‘We plan and God laughs,’” says Rabbi Adrienne Scott, associate Rabbi of Congregation Beth Israel. “We are all such creatures of habit and sometimes what we plan is just not possible. But we can walk around it and walk another path to find joy and holiness.”

And, with that phrase in mind, Braden was able to have his Bar Mitzvah — on a joy-filled path that led right up Rabbi Scott’s driveway. That’s right: Rabbi Scott conducted Braden’s Bar Mitzvah outside her garage on March 28.     

Turns out,  even when Houston was closing down because of the coronavirus, a lot of hearts were opening up. It was a combination of love, quick planning, kindness and flexibility that allowed Braden to still have his big day, even though it was not as originally envisioned.

Braden’s Bar Mitzvah date of March 28 was a few days after the Stay Home, Work Safe order was put in place. At the time, gatherings of 10 people or less were allowed, so with Braden, siblings Jared, 19 and Emma, 17, along with parents Dr. Laurie Feuer and Dr. Hugh Feuer, Rabbi Scott and husband David Scott, they totaled seven and made the cut. 

“I am usually the most planned-out person,” says Laurie, an internal medicine doctor. “We had booked his location and date way ahead and everything was all set. All of our family live out of town and they were coming in from Boston, New York, Philly and Chicago.” But as the pandemic started heating up, it was clear that the ability to have an event was being frozen.

“I was in touch with DJs, the temple, the venue, once the Stay Home order was placed. And then we had to cancel the party at the Cadillac Bar, which was going to be so much fun,” says Laurie. “After that we thought we could have the service at the temple through social distancing. That was all a ‘go’ until the day before and the temple closed.” 

At that point, Laurie realized they were at a crossroads: either reschedule the entire Bar Mitzvah to 2021  - or make it happen on his scheduled day - just in a new, different way. The temple suggested they have a Zoom service that would have the Feuer family together at one house, the Rabbi at one location and the Cantor at another. That option was something they seriously considered until Rabbi Scott - in an extraordinary act of kindness- presented an alternative scenario.

Braden Feuer gave a speech about” Sacrifice" as part of his Bar Mitzvah, which took place on March 28 in the driveway of Rabbi Adrienne Scott’s house.

“Rabbi Scott offered to do the entire Bar Mitzvah at her house outside,” says Laurie. “She would bring the Torah over to her house and have it in her possession the whole time.” Laurie says she was in awe by the act of generosity by the Rabbi and they quickly decided to accept the new, backyard Bar Mitzvah.

“When all of this came about, we went back and forth on plans,” says Rabbi Scott. “It was not until Friday evening pretty late that we finalized this plan. I live very close to the congregation and I did not want to drive too far with the Torah as it is sacred and holy. But we have a little cover under our garage so I knew it would be safe. We do not want to delay happy occasions; we are really commanded to celebrate them.”

As prescribed, they decided to celebrate that weekend. The Feuer family brought their own chairs and socially distanced them six feet apart. The Scotts provided a table outside their garage, where they conducted the service.

“What’s really nice is that I came up with this plan and then told David [the executive director and director of Lifelong Learning at Beth Israel] and I knew David was going to be on board,” says Rabbi Scott. “He helped set up the bima [a platform in a synagogue holding the reading table used when chanting or reading portions of the Torah] and made it look as nice as possible.” Laurie says that the outdoor ceremony was absolutely lovely.

Family and friends participated virtually via laptops at Braden Feuer’s Bar Mitzvah. Left:Mitch and Maddie Feuer, Eden Mutchnik, Daniel Sheinberg, Seth Wolnek. Middle: Susan Cohen and her daughter Chelsea. Right: Janet and Jerry Goldman.

“One of the aspects of this that helped is that both of his parents are physicians,” says Rabbi Scott. “I felt better that they provided chairs and were being very cautious and had a good medical, sanitary process.” Laurie says they were happy to oblige. “There were no prayer books and Braden was at an orchestra stand that was completely sanitized and wiped down.”

Family members from out of town, who would have participated in person, recited their parts of the service virtually. “We had three or four laptops all set up,” says Rabbi Scott. “Braden’s aunt and uncle and grandparents were all online and it was all very sweet. When we heard his grandfather recite the Hebrew words, it was clear we were celebrating something very significant and meaningful in his life.”

For Braden, the most important part of the ceremony was his Torah portion. “His Torah portion was about sacrifice,” says Laurie. “It was the perfect portion and time to talk about sacrifice.” This was indeed a very timely topic that Braden reflected on during the Bar Mitzvah. “I had to sacrifice my party and I can’t see my friends due to the coronavirus,” he says, noting that they used humor to deal with the changed-up day. “Since it was outside, it was a little bit windy and when I read my speech, which was on the orchestra stand, a big gust of wind came by and blew the speech down the driveway so we all laughed!”

It was all smiles after Braden Feuer completed his Bar Mitzvah. Braden, front, is pictured with his family, from left, back row: Jared, Hugh, Laurie and Emma Feuer.

The ceremony was completed 10 minutes before that wind blew in a rainstorm. Looking back, they are all happy with their unexpected change of events. “Braden loved it and was so thrilled,” says Laurie. “The family on the other end of the computers was in their pajamas. Everyone had a great time, we all sang and it was memorable. The Rabbi said this was a first!”

For her part, Rabbi Scott could not be more pleased. “This was a pearl of joy,” she says. “Braden knew his part and was prepared and delivered a beautiful portion of his Torah. Sometimes we just find a way to do what we need to do when we are surrounded by our Torah and our family.”