I Want to Hold Your Hand

My wife and I were on a cruise last summer on one of those huge ships that house several thousand passengers. My wife has a little trouble walking, and she sometimes uses a cane. We got off an elevator on the ship and headed toward our room. I was holding her hand as we walked since she had left her cane in our room, and a woman coming toward us stopped us and said, “This is so sweet. You just don’t see people your age holding hands much.”

So that you can put this in the correct context, I will reveal that my wife and I are in our late 70s. 

The incident made me think a bit about holding hands. I really do not see many people of any age holding hands. I occasionally observe younger couples close together, usually holding more than hands. I have a college friend who charmingly always holds his wife’s hand as they walk together. I recall my initial surprise many years ago when I was in France and saw many women walking together holding hands. I have not been to France for years, so I do not know if that is still the custom. I hope it is. It’s nice – holding hands.

I got interested and Googled “Holding Hands.” The first thing that came up was a selection of pictures of people holding hands, and these photos were mostly taken from the rear. Why? That’s a question for another time, but you might think about it. 

One Googled selection came from Reddit at their site r/CasualConversation. The lead entry was:

“I always wonder when someone feels close enough to hold your hand, especially when it involves two people that could possibly be attracted to each other or are considered just friends... I just don’t feel comfortable holding just anyone’s hand. I think you have to be in a certain level to do that. …Maybe I am overthinking things as usual…What do you think?”

There were many answers to this query, and I will record a few of them. One person who went by artavenue, who was clearly familiar with other parts of the world, wrote:

“Depends on your culture, too. In some Arabic countries a dude will grab another dude’s hand when the[y] walk and talk.”

Actually, I found several references to an occasion when President George W. Bush met with Crown Prince Abdullah of Saudi Arabia. They talked as they held hands. Well, we are not in Saudi Arabia, and people in same-sex relationships in our country might avoid holding hands in public unless they feel quite secure in proclaiming their status.

Another entry written by someone identified as redsleeve stated: “I think that’s intimate. When I first started dating my current bf, I didn’t want to hold hands so much. But when the affection settled in, holding hands became a thing. It’s like me allowing him to initiate touching a part of me in public. Well, that came out funny, but you know what I mean?”

Yes, it did come out funny, and I think we all know what she meant. That brings me to my favorite comment presented by someone who goes by TacoALPastorSupreme. Taco writes: “I think hand holding between adults is very intimate. When I was a teen, I think I considered holding hands as the first step in a romantic relationship….” She concludes that, as an adult, she realizes that she’s been intimate with more men than she’s held hands with.

As I researched further on the subject of hand-holding, I noticed that many entries cited a Professor James Coan who studied this topic. He found that hand-holding has a relaxing effect on people. Blood pressure is lowered, and there is a release of oxytocin, a hormone that’s known as the “love drug,” as it’s responsible for some of the positive emotions we feel.  Professor Coan reported that studies were conducted on people who were expecting to receive an electric shock, but their level of anxiety was decreased if they were holding hands with someone while they were about to receive the shock. The article didn’t reveal whether the person holding the subject’s hand was shocked, too. 

In this article (The Cultural History of Holding Hands by Devrupa Rakshit, May 21, 2022), you can also read that chimpanzees and otters hold hands. The article doesn’t delve much into otters holding hands, but it does explain that chimps often hold hands. The implication is that as our closest relatives in the animal kingdom, maybe we inherited hand-holding from an ancestor common to us and the chimps. Who knows? I guess we will have to forget about otters without further information. 

So, this brings us back to holding hands with another person. Check out folks in shopping centers, airports, stadiums, or other public gatherings. Usually, observing a couple walking along holding hands is a lovely sight. I find it charming. And I’ll end by reporting a sighting I made at a Walmart in Gatesville, Texas, as my wife and I were driving to Santa Fe two summers ago. We had stopped there for some item we needed, and as we were walking out, I glanced to my left and saw a handsome man holding hands with a tall, slender, very attractive woman in tight calf-length jeans and tennis shoes. I smiled at the loving image, and then I noticed on each of the woman’s heels there was a tattoo that read…well, let’s just say it used an obscenity in two words to imply Get lost.

What do we learn from this rambling narrative? Is there a lesson or some anthropological data imparted above? Probably not. And I believe there is little ethical guidance gained from this information, but we are able to conclude that it is a good thing that chimpanzees do not get tattoos.