Unplugged Moments

Family dinners, after-school time, or simply being together are priceless opportunities to connect and create lasting memories. But in many households, the clinking of forks or conversation has been replaced by the beeps or vibrations of technology. 

I know this struggle, like most do, all too well. As a mom of four kids under the age of 10, I often find myself juggling texts, emails, ordering groceries, and more, while trying to keep up with my kids’ stories from school. 

I have noticed parents seem to be looking at their phones more while out at the mall or park with their children. 

I get it. We need our phones. There is no way around it. 

I wanted to make a conscious effort to change my phone habits while around my children. I thought to myself, I will start small.

I decided to put my phone in a drawer for one hour each evening. No checking it. My goal is to stretch that to two hours and remain consistent. I do it during the time of the day when all of my children are at home (I get not being able to be away from the phone when a child is at a practice or friend’s house). That precious slice of the day where it is just the family, at home, together. I want my phone to be away from all that precious time that I cannot get back. 

For many families, including ours, finding balance with screens is a work in progress. For Alli and Clay Tompkins, parents of three, the tipping point came after their household became consumed by debates over screen time. A photographer and a mom, Alli noticed that her kids – Warren, 11, Austin, 8, and Lila, 5, – were spending more time glued to devices than practicing their instruments, completing schoolwork, or playing sports.

Alli and Clay started by limiting their screen time to weekends only, hoping that would help. But one morning, while making the bed, Alli discovered an iPad hidden under the covers. Her child had been sneaking it out of her room, and staying up way past bedtime, racking up hours of screen use after lights out. “It was the last straw,” said Alli. She and Clay called a family meeting and put their household on a “screen diet” for a month.

“Screens were controlling our household,” Alli explained. They removed iPads, video games, and other devices from the kids’ reach. The only exception was watching a TV show or movie together as a family.

“The kids crave that dopamine hit from screens, over and over,” Alli said. “But their brains don’t have the ability to regulate it like adults do.”

Alli says one of her kids did point out the parents’ phone habits by saying, ‘Well, you’re always on your phones?’ She did address the message by explaining that phones are important for grownups for work and running the household. However, she says they are trying to make a concerted effort as to when they are using them.

She hopes the “screen diet” will help reset the family dynamics with screens and help them reconnect with each other. 

Another Buzz parent, a mom of three teenagers who opted to remain anonymous, shared a similar challenge. She noticed their family time had become well, just quiet. 

To reclaim their time together, they introduced a “phone-free family dinner” policy for kids and parents. The rule is simple: Everyone places their phones in a small box before sitting down to eat. 

To keep things lighthearted, they turned it into a game. “We started a tradition where whoever reached for their phone first had to clean the kitchen,” the mom said. Over time, the phone-free dinners have become a family ritual, benefiting not just the kids but the parents, too.

For the Tompkins, the screen diet has helped their household shift from being ruled by devices to rediscovering the joy of simply being together. “It is not always perfect, and sometimes we make exceptions with family movies,” Alli said. “But the difference is undeniable.”

For me, the journey continues as well. I am determined to keep carving out more screen-free time. As the Tompkins and other families have shown, putting down our phones for just a short hour a day, in a drawer or a box, allows us to pick up what matters most – each other.