Puppy Love in an Empty Nest

So many times in my “Back Porch” column, we have inventoried kid-friendly dinners, translated our teenagers’ vocabularies, compared bad parenting moments, and dished on strategies for getting kids out of bed and into carpool. From birth to college (and beyond), we have examined parenting from all the angles…and ages. In every phase, I have shared from the center of my lifelong (at least my adult lifelong) mom friends, the ones who read What to Expect the First Year and Dr. Spock and then lived it and gave me the CliffsNotes. 

Last summer, I wrote about sitting at a Tiny Boxwoods dinner table on a Tuesday night with those friends – a luxury, because for the first time in a long time, we could all sit with each other and a glass of wine and a Tiny’s cookie and not worry about racing home to make sure the homework was done. A few weeks ago, I found myself at the very same table, with the same friends, talking about our babies again. It’s just that this time, our babies were puppies.

This fall, three of the four of us got puppies within three months of each other. The other has a 4-year-old. Puppy, that is. 

Just like with our human children, I have been relying on my friends to tell me how to schedule, what and how much to feed, and how to redirect this new puppy of mine. Just like with my family’s first dog Saint (who I memorialized in December 2023 Back Porch), I didn’t want a puppy. And just like everybody predicted, I am in love with my baby Black Labrador Retriever Otis.

PUPPY FRENZY Otis (left, with Buzz writer Andria Dilling and husband David) has yet to meet his friends Coco and Boudreaux, but puppy playdates will take place as soon as everyone is big enough.

My friend Meredith was the first of our group to become a (human being) mom, and she was the first to be an empty-nester. Here was how she tried to sell me on getting the puppy my husband so wanted: “My kids don’t care where I am or what I am doing,” she said of her 29- and 26-year-olds. “Boudreaux [her 6-month-old Labradoodle puppy] cares if I go on the other side of the kitchen island.” She adds, “It’s a fantastic precursor to a grandbaby!”

Jacqueline, whose Chocolate Lab Coco is now seven months old, calls bringing a puppy into an empty nest “the healthiest thing going,” pointing out that, besides the love that comes with a pet, there’s the social aspect of meeting neighbors on dog walks, and the health benefits of having to take those walks. 

In our family, we aren’t going on walks yet, because Otis is barely three months old. But of course my anxieties and skepticisms are coming out: Am I going to be able to handle this dog on a leash when he’s four times as big as he is now? Is he going to come across as ferocious when he follows his dad’s lead and becomes a moose (as one of my stepsons pointed out when he saw Otis’ disproportionate paws)? And: My lower back is currently killing me, because while Otis will be a moose one day, now he is still a baby and too scared (and really too small) to walk downstairs yet, so I am lugging this 23-pound bear cub down the stairs several times a day. Did I mention he knows how to hop up the stairs on his own, usually with me chasing him to retrieve the fern frond – or shoe or toilet paper roll – from his mouth?

And then I realize that as I am writing, this fuzzy ball has curled himself up on top of my feet. Hence, love.

“The more you cuddle them and connect with them, you won’t have the dog who is acting out,” explains Jacqueline, who has been mom to several dogs over the years and now has Hazel and Coco. “Most of the problems come from the dogs not getting any attention.”

Coco

When our children were small, we had the dogs, but we didn’t have the time – or the energy – that we now have to devote to our furry friends. We were too busy cuddling and coddling little children. The dogs had no chance other than fitting into the schedule. Now, the dogs are the schedule. That pre-holiday dinner last month? I left early so that Otis wouldn’t have to be in his crate for more than a couple of hours. And then my friends came to my house to meet my little guy and let him pounce and pant all over them.

Come to think of it, we are basically having sip-and-sees now for our puppies. Only without the sipping and the Moeller’s petit fours. Because like the internet menopause magnet and creator of the “We Do Not Care Club” Melani Sanders says, we just don’t care that much anymore.

Instead of planning salad menus and ordering flowers, we are comparing trainers and training techniques, and also what to do with the myriad prickly scars on our hands and ankles from razor-sharp puppy teeth. We are sending each other links to dog bandanas and crates, puppy car seats, and animated plush lobster toys (if you have a puppy, you need the Mity Rain Interactive Wiggly Lobster from Amazon; it starts and stops and moves in all directions, driving the puppies crazy and occupying them for 15 minutes at a time – a big win). And we are physically passing around (passing off?) Sarah’s unwieldy plastic dog playpen, which actually hasn’t contained any of the puppies for more than a few minutes (it’s currently in my garage; if anyone wants to give it a try, hit me up). 

My Instagram is full of how-tos from accounts like @EmpoweredPuppyProgram and @TheEverydayTrainer, and my husband and children will tell you that my steady out-loud reading of this online advice is insufferable. Train the puppy to walk on a leash in the middle of the street (you’ll eliminate distractions). Give him treats when he is calm (you’ll reinforce a peaceful state). Freeze in place when your puppy nips at your ankles (moving away makes it a game). Do I actually think – especially after my last dog, who ran circles around the neighborhood – that I can raise a calm, well-adjusted dog? Well, the internet tells me I can.

Boudreaux

The internet actually has a lot to say about pet parenting, from how to do it well to how obsessed we can become. My husband sent me a post that said My wife and I have taken four pictures together in the last two years, meanwhile we have 135 photos of our dog sleeping on the couch since last week. Truth.

At dinner, Jacqueline told us, “There’s a mug out there on the internet that says I wish I could text my dog.”

Then Meredith chimed in: “If I could call them on the cell phone I would. Actually sometimes I go to my cell to call them and then realize I can’t.”

For all of the scabby hands, the aching backs, and the 5 a.m. wake-ups, there’s nothing like puppy love. As Meredith said, and as we all said when we had children, “You didn’t realize how much love you had to give.” Because the sweet, snuggly puppy, the puppy whose tail wags when he hears us walking down the hall – the puppy who actually cares where we are – is fully irresistible. He’s the valentine I didn’t know I needed.

Puppy Parenting

Heather Reese-Ferguson is a behavioral canine trainer in San Antonio; she’s a friend who has dialed my new puppy anxiety way down and made connecting with Otis a joy. Here are her get-started tips:

Schedule, schedule, schedule! This is the most important thing that needs to be on your list when bringing home a new puppy. The very first day your puppy arrives…put them on an eating, potty, and sleep schedule. 

Puppy musts to have before you bring them home:

• A kennel (or two)

• High-quality puppy food (if making a switch to a new food, slowly mix in the new food to prevent upsetting puppy’s tummy)

• Water and food bowls

• Soft puppy bed (or two)

• Plush toy with a heartbeat sound; this really soothes them when they first arrive in their new home

• Plenty of toys – stuffed animals, chew bones for teething; puppies have a short attention span, so you need more toys than you think to keep them focused

• Small training treats

A lot of people put so much time into finding the cutest puppy. Very few take the time to get a puppy with the right kind of energy. This is so important! If you are a low-energy person or family and exercise is not part of your life, a high-energy puppy is the worst choice. Matching a puppy’s personality to your family’s is essential.