Car Conversations

Many parents know the drill. They ask, “How was your day?” as their child is getting into the car after school or an extracurricular activity. The response might sound something like: “good” and often, the conversation stalls out.

As summer fades and the school year begins, parents often find themselves eager to learn about their kids’ day at school. One of the best opportunities for these conversations is right after school, during the car ride, walk, or bike ride home or once they walk through the door.

As a parent, it can be helpful to be equipped with specific and thought-out questions. Letting the child lead the parent through the conversation helps engage in thoughtful conversation, which helps to strengthen the parent-child bond.

So how do parents take it from the standard “it was good” response to encouraging kids to share the nitty-gritty details? What are they excited or worried about? We heard from Buzz residents with some ideas to get the conversation started. 

Mom Lisa Smith has 11- and 13-year-old daughters. “When they get in the car, I start by asking, ‘How was your day?’ and when they say, ‘It was good,’ I ask, ‘What moment of the day made it good?’” she said. The conversation evolves from there and she lets their responses lead into more questions. She says she sets the tone to be calm and not forced. 

The talk might last just two minutes, sometimes longer if something significant took place at school, but she says engaging with her children about their school day is a way to stay connected about what is going on in their world. As soon as the car pulls into the driveway, their after-school activities and homework commence, and she leaves more questions for the next day.

Mom-of-two D’Lisia Bergeron has two children, Jude, a rising fourth grader, and Darcy, a rising sixth grader. D’Lisia says she has historically started with questions about a favorite time of the day for many kids: recess. “I ask my kids, ‘Who did you play with at recess?’ It always gets a conversation going.”

D'Lisia sometimes takes the conversation into a learning exercise. “We all say things we do not mean, so I ask this question from time to time: ‘If you could change one thing you said today, what would it be?’ And then we discuss the situation and what they would say differently,” she said.

In addition to asking the right questions, there are several strategies parents can use to encourage meaningful conversations (in and out of the car). 

Keep the conversation relaxed and be present. If the conversation happens when they walk in the door from a ride home or the bus, be sure to put away the phone (which is quite possibly the most vital component). Maintain eye contact and try to avoid an interrogative tone.

We compiled a list of helpful questions to get the conversation started with your child this month as they head back to school:

Questions for Preschoolers and Younger Kids:

• What was the silliest thing that happened today?

• Who did you play with at recess?

• What was something new you learned today?

• Did anything surprise you today?

• What made the day a good day?

Questions for Tweens:

• What was the most interesting thing that happened today?

• Did you have any moments where you felt proud of yourself?

• Is there something you are looking forward to tomorrow?

• How did you handle any challenges that you faced with your friends today?

• Who did you sit with at lunch, and what did you talk about?

Questions for Teens:

• Did you hear about anything interesting or surprising today?

• How did you spend your free time today?

• Was there a moment today that you wish had gone differently?

• What is something you are excited about this week?

Being prepared with questions helps bring deeper and more meaningful conversation about a child’s day. Just as with adults, keep the tone casual and avoid making your child feel like they are being grilled. And remember, share about your own day to encourage them to share with you about theirs.