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Love Will Find a Way

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Phebe Chen, Mark Ward

Mark and Phebe's different personalities and cultures are far from obstacles in their marriage. (Photo: www.hartphoto.com)

As Valentine’s Day approaches, couples may reflect on the inevitable ups and downs of marriage. While no relationship is easy, some love stories have thrived against all odds.

Growing up in Lincoln Nebraska in the 1960s, Jody Wheeless and Rick Simpson dated in junior high. Jody, a gymnast, revered Rick’s mom, who coached the women’s gymnastic team at the University of Nebraska. “Our dates mainly consisted of me going to practice gymnastics with his mom in the backyard. Afterwards, Rick and I would sit and eat cookies at the kitchen table, and then go ride bikes together.”

Their relationship continued in high school with dreams of marriage after college. The Vietnam Conflict changed that. Rick’s dad, an officer in the Air Force, moved the family to a U.S. base in Japan and Jody’s dad took a job promotion in Iowa.

With no cell phones and Internet, Rick and Jody eventually lost touch, each marrying someone else.  Jody later divorced and retired as a high school administrator, moving  to the North Woods of Michigan where she opened four art galleries.

“I am not that proficient with computers, but about five years ago,  I came up with a Web site for one of my galleries. Unbeknown to me, Rick, also divorced, was doing a search on me, and found my name on the site,” explains Jody.

After months of e-mail exchange, Rick and Jody decided to meet.  “We were both very happy with our own lives—I loved where I lived, and Rick was a neurosurgeon in Houston. So we took it very slow at first.”

Eventually, Jody agreed on a trial move to Houston, opening a shop, The Village Firefly. Again a couple, Jody and Rick decided to surprise Rick’s parents in Santa Fe. Upon opening the door, Rick’s mom stepped back and said, “Wait a minute.” She reappeared with a photo she’d carried in her purse for some 40 years, that of Rick and Jody at her kitchen table.

Jody Wheeless and Rick Simpson

Jody Wheeless and Rick Simpson spent time horsing around as 16-year-olds in love.

Rick and Jody just celebrated their first anniversary. “Ten years ago, if people had told me I’d be here, I’d say they were out of their mind,” Jody confesses. “I kinda wasn’t in the mood to shake things up. But we realized we still loved each other so much after all these years, and we were meant to be together.”

One couple who found love despite societal stigmas is Phebe Chen and Mark Ward. Today, after 23 years of happy marriage, Phebe and Mark can laugh at how and why they’re together.

Phebe is a radiologist and Mark is residency director at Baylor College of Medicine. The pair, who met as medical students, admits they were apprehensive about meeting each other’s parents.

Phebe’s parents moved to the Philippines from China in 1949 with the rise of communism, and later moved to the U.S. when Phebe was 17. Mark, raised in Oklahoma, moved with his family to East Texas to complete high school.  “My parents were always liberal, even though you wouldn’t think so based on where we lived,” says Mark.  “And my parents were more concerned that I marry someone of our same faith than whether he was Chinese,” Phebe adds.

Needless to say, Mark wanted to make a good first impression when Phebe’s folks invited him to dinner. Mrs. Chen had prepared a dish of steamed fish. She reached towards the fish’s eye with her chopstick to serve Mark who recalls thinking, “Oh God, please. I don’t want to eat the eye, but I will if she puts it on my plate.” Lucky for Mark, Mrs. Chen served him the area below the eye, known as a delicacy, so the evening went off uneventfully.

“I was intimidated to meet Mark’s family, because they were a lot quieter than mine,” says Phebe. Mark adds, “There’s some cultural stereotypes and one of them is the subservient Asian female. I quickly learned that Phebe did not fit that stereotype. Anyway, she is the one who does all the negotiating when we buy a new car. This is a skill she leaned from her Chinese background.”

Although Phebe says they don’t see themselves as either Caucasians or Asians, a hint of Chinese culture is evident in their otherwise modern home. Phebe had the Chinese symbol for good luck crafted into the wrought iron of their staircase, and chairs in the living room are covered in pale Chinese silk.  Phebe and Mark’s three children, Alex, Jonathan, and Mackenzie, have all studied Chinese at some point.

“Love conquers all” is often evident in long-term relationships. These couples prove the adage true, despite the odds.

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