River, age 2

A wise dog once said, “Wuff, wuff plus tail wag equals treat. Those are the basics of being a dog, son. With this knowledge you can face the humans.” Well, that got me halfway there, the other part being “cute,” as humans call it, with “puppy-dog eyes,” which is very insulting because I am a full-grown dog. “River, where is my little puppy!” Not that I complain (because the smaller and cuter you are, the more human food you get), but around other dogs, it might get a tad embarrassing. I have the crème de le crème when it comes to masters because when other dogs ask me what I do all day, I say, “Sleep on the couch, go to the park, do my business, and chase around little red bugs they call lasers.” All I know is: I love them. They love me. I look cute. They give me treats. Yeah, be jealous because I am living the life!

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