Is ignorance really bliss?

Is it ever better not to know the whole truth? (Photo:istockphoto.com/surely)

On one of my parents’ trips to visit me in New Orleans during college, we had something of a revelatory dinner. After a few drinks at Commander’s Palace, I began indiscriminately leaking information that I’d previously kept confidential, stories about the things I did in high school that would not have made my parents proud. Thank God I survived to tell the stories, and we laughed all night. We’ve laughed about that night many times since.

Now that I’m a mom and high school is looming, I’m not so sure I want things kept from me the way I kept them from my parents. Is ignorance really bliss? Here’s where some readers weigh in:

Harriet Babchick, Baby Chick Designs owner, mother and grandmother: “I have a vivid imagination, and I usually can tell that something is going on with my children, even now that they are grown and living their own lives. So I can imagine all sorts of things that are far worse than the actual truth. Please give me the truth, so I can deal with whatever is happening.

“Growing up, my parents tried to shield us from serious things going on in the family. When we were children, this was probably for the best, but as we got older, not the best. Now I try to keep it simple. I don’t want to alarm my grandchildren. But the simple truth is often the best, in a calming tone that generates conversation and questions.”

Anita Gaylor, retail consultant, mother of three: “My biggest piece of advice is to know what your kids are doing and who their friends are. Ignorance is not bliss at this stage; it is stupid.

“I don’t care if the neighbor had a boob job, but I do need to know about my kids. Once you launch them to college, you need to let go and let them try life on their own with your non-negotiables. For our kids the non-negotiables are no drugs, no tattoos and no piercings, go to class, and make good grades. Mollie promptly blew that by getting extra earring holes in her ears at UT, but I am going with it since she got a 3.92 last semester.”

Jacqueline Kenneally, ArtMix owner, mother of three: “It’s not about not knowing how many calories are in a slice of cake. There’s a bigger question here. When I take my car to the shop, I want to hear exactly what parts are wrong so I know what I’m fixing. Hopefully it’s something small, I pay my bill, and I’m on my way.

“Same with our families. Having the truth out there builds trust. And if you trust each other and know what you’re working with, you might realize, like the car, you’ve got small issues. Or, with the truth, we can figure out together how to manage real issues.”

Heather Kearney, The Stork Club owner, mother of two: “I’ve always been a ‘devil you know’ over a ‘devil you don’t know’ kind of a person. If you get a bad grade, you can see what you missed and study harder for the next one. If you inadvertently hurt someone’s feelings, you can apologize and make amends.

“But I woke up this morning, seven weeks post-op from surgery on my left foot, knowing I was going in [later that day] for the same surgery on my right foot. I walked into the first surgery knowing the mechanics of the operation but not really knowing the challenges that played out over several weeks. Now I know and can remember how it felt…. I will wake up to pain, broken bones, icky pain meds. For weeks, there will be no shoes, no showers without a bag on my foot, no driving. I will have to watch from the sidelines as my family goes about their daily routine. So, I take back everything I have said before. There is a place in the world for the saying ‘ignorance is bliss.’”

Barbara Trautner, physician, mother of two: “I can easily imagine a far worse scenario than reality in almost every circumstance. I like to know the details, and I’ve raised my children the same way.

“I tell my patients the details too, as in, ‘This is going to hurt, so we use local anesthesia.’ Or, ‘Believe it or not, this procedure really doesn’t hurt much.’ I’ve seen so many people watch their entire cardiac catheterization on the TV screen, perfectly relaxed. If I tell people the truth, they trust me.”