Online Dating Website Woes

February means many different things to different people. A change in weather for some or a period of finally reaching cruise control on the New Year’s resolutions for others. Universally, it is also a time to think about love. Let’s be blunt, February shoves “love” and “relationships” in our faces whether we like it or not. Many respond by making choices that lack common sense, are out of character or are even dangerous. 

One area of particular concern in the online dating scene. For those of you who are participating in or plan to jump into the world of online dating, there are two areas of concern: first, the scammer who never wants to meet you but will do whatever they can to get your money. The second is the dangerous individual who has every intention to meet you and harm you. I want to see you protected in either case. 

First, the cash-scammer.

Did it ever occur to you that there are people who literally make their living out of scamming men and women searching for love online? Sadly, many think they could spot a scammer miles away but the truth is that these individuals are so good at their trade that, more often than not, you’ll never see it coming. Here are some tips for avoiding online scammers: 

1. Online dating sites monitor their users. That means that scammers who are up to no good might ask you to leave the site as quickly as they possibly can. Sign: they’ll want to communicate with you through your direct email address or text rather than through the online dating service. Common excuse: they’ll say their membership is almost up. Reality: they are about to ask you for money but don’t want to get caught trying to scam you. They also don’t want to get kicked off a site from which they pull all their victims. 
2. More likely than not, you are a wonderful person and anyone with you is lucky. That said, that person who is 25 years your junior may be seeking your companionship for the wrong reason – i.e., cash. What you are to them is quite possibly a hand-selected target. Scammers are known to look for “vulnerable populations,” which means, men or women who are divorced, widowed, feeling rejected, or past their prime. Sadly, they may target those who are overweight or recovering from a physical impairment. Sign: they’ll want to lavish you with affection and compliments. Reality: While you are basking in the glory of praise and (sorry to say) drinking the Kool Aid, you’ve essentially put down your guard and will find yourself shelling out cash or being taken advantage of by this scammer.  
3. Another common tactic scammers might take is to paint the picture that money “ain’t no problem, honey.” What they are doing is setting you up to make a financial loan to them while planting the seed that the payback is of no concern. Sign: they’ll post photos of luxurious items, cars, and travel destinations. Reality: the photos might be true (paid for by the scammed victim that came before you, mind you), or a tribute to Photo Shop. It is remarkable how many times this simple tactic works, specifically, and sadly, usually on women. 
4. And finally, after you’ve built a wonderful online rapport, disaster will usually strike before that first meeting can take place (remember, these people don’t want to meet you, they just want your hard-earned possessions)! The scenarios: a family member will suffer a great tragedy or that big business deal they’ve talked to you so extensively about will shockingly fall through or they’ll find themselves on a trip where their wallet has been stolen. Ultimately, they’ll come to you, their trusted friend (and aren’t you possibly more than a friend at this point?), for support – i.e., cash. Sign: you’ll be strategically pulled into this story from the first or second conversation. Reality: you’re being pulled in so you feel invested in a positive outcome for the scammer; you’ll inevitably want to swoop in and save the day.  

Second, the physically harmful person.

We hope that you seriously  think twice before taking an online relationship, off-line. Certainly if you are a minor, we absolutely ask (no wait, we beg) you to never meet anyone off-line, especially if you are alone.  But for those adults in the group, please “proceed with extreme caution” before taking the next step.

Many move from exchanging photos to talking on the phone to meeting face-to-face only to realize that the photos were fake and the person you thought you were meeting was not someone you would have ever chosen to engage with and could be very harmful to you. My thought? How about moving from exchanging photos to talking on the phone to FaceTiming (or whatever smartphone application you have that does the same job) to group meetings to one-on-one visits in very populated areas.  

Beyond anything else, the world has changed and the beauty of technology is that it allows people to connect wherever they are. It really can be a wonderful thing! That said, it also gives not-so-great people direct access to you and your livelihood. Protect yourselves proactively. You’ll never, ever be sorry that you did. 

See more information on how to keep yourself safe online.