Resilient Heads and Hearts

It was never in the plan for Emily and Chris Scherman to call Houston home. Their lives were in Canada; they met at the University of Calgary in Alberta, got married, and in 2013 had a baby girl named Annabelle. 

“We didn’t know at birth that anything was wrong,” said Emily. “The doctor found a tiny cleft in her palate and that prompted a whole gamut of genetic testing and that’s how we found out.”

Annabelle was born with a rare genetic disorder, so rare that it doesn’t have a name, just a number called the Q-12 deletion. She was born with a cleft palate and a heart malady that required surgery. They would later discover global developmental delays resulting in speech and intellectual disabilities.

Annabelle needed intense therapeutic intervention. It felt like an insurmountable barrier for Emily and Chris – a barrier which demanded drastic action. And by then the couple had a second daughter, Evangeline, who was born without the genetic anomaly. 

“Nothing was really working for Annabelle,” said Emily. “There aren’t many private school options for children with disabilities in Canada and you cannot get therapies within the school setting. So really her whole life, and my whole life, and Evangeline’s whole life was spent running to therapies and appointments after school.” 

The fact that Chris worked for an oil and gas firm with an office in Houston offered a providential option. Almost three years ago, when Annabelle was 8 years old, the family moved to the Spring Valley neighborhood and enrolled Annabelle at The Monarch School, a private school for children with learning differences.

To her parents’ relief, Anabelle was soon getting the resources she required and as fate would have it, soon so would her mother. 

WARRIOR MOMS Shannon Essex, Emily Scherman, Stephanie Tobola, Elizabeth Elder, Adonia Cokinos, Liz Maberry, and Connie Reyna (pictured, from left) at the Steel Magnolia Moms Holiday Market to help raise funds for mothers of children with disabilities.

For those who’ve lived it, a disability diagnosis for a beloved child quickly morphs from a soul-crushing blow to a life-transforming crusade – an often utterly exhausting journey to do the next right thing. It is a caregiving marathon inevitably filled with feelings of stress and anxiety.

Studies show that mothers of children with disabilities are more likely to have poor mental health that leads to other conditions such as depression, sleep disorders, and even physical ailments like migraines and musculoskeletal pain. 

Emily Scherman’s path was no different.

It was the Schermans’ realtor who told Emily about a Houston-based mother’s group for children with special needs called Steel Magnolia Moms (SMM). Emily found that the group was more than just a much-needed avenue for mental health support. Within SMM, Emily found women like herself. She found it to be a perpetual group hug of sisterhood.

“This organization has been one of the greatest blessings I have encountered here. SMM is a special place for special moms to positively support one another and share in the joys and challenges of raising a child with special needs,” said Emily.                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

“[The term] special needs includes vast diagnoses and prognoses, but our joys and sorrows, hopes, and fears make us the same.”

Steel Magnolia Moms emerged from the heart and mind of Elizabeth Elder, a Bunker Hill resident, who launched the non-profit group after giving birth to two wheelchair-dependent children diagnosed with Leigh syndrome. Although Elizabeth had a strong network of family and friends, she felt isolated and unable to relate to the vision of motherhood she had hoped for and dreamed of. While the Elders had a third child – a son without the genetic condition – their daughter, also named Annabelle, passed away due to complications from her disease in October 2021 at the age of 11. 

“I struggle with all the feelings that swoosh around this time of year… sadness because I miss her. Fear it will happen again. Gratitude for the time we had with her. Joy for the memories we shared. Grief because we will share no more. Pride for the difference she made,” said Elizabeth. “Fear, guilt, isolation, grief, anxiety, sadness, and stress are all words too commonly used to describe the journey with our special-needs children. And that’s why we prioritize mental health, by offering a safe space for moms to express their feelings.”

SMM’s “Head to Heart” program provides professional psychological support with private and group therapy and a weekly support group for members through a partnership with the Nick Finnegan Counseling Center (NFCC) located in River Oaks. 

Mary Elizabeth Hand, director of the Nick Finnegan Counseling Center, and Elizabeth Elder, founder of Steel Magnolia Moms, at the Center’s gala last month where Steel Magnolia Moms was honored and recognized as a community partner. 

Mary Elizabeth Hand is the executive director. She was a close childhood friend of Nick Finnegan, who died tragically in a car accident in 2004 before starting his freshman year at the University of Texas at Austin. She has witnessed the transformative power of counseling and is passionate about the health and healing the two groups can bring about together. 

“If you can help one person, their life can be so positively changed to then make a difference in someone else’s life. And I think that is what NFCC and Steel Magnolia Moms have the ability to do together,” said Mary Elizabeth. “Elizabeth and SMM are truly doing such incredible work in the community and supporting so many moms.”

The two women met last year through their sons’ kindergarten class at Bunker Hill Elementary and have become fast friends. The duo is committed to exterminating the stigma surrounding mental health. 

“I think it’s really important for everyone to realize that everyone’s issues are important to them, no matter what the issue is. It’s unique to me and my family and my child, and that still deserves time and attention.” 

In seven years, mostly through word-of-mouth, SMM has grown to over 2,500 members. Services have expanded to include not only mental health and wellness resources for moms, but also a mom’s camp and sponsorships for their special-needs children to also attend summer camps. But it’s the kinship, the sisterhood, which these moms treasure most: knowing that others are taking the same, often difficult journey, and they need not travel alone.

For Emily Scherman, it’s helped provide the bridge from just surviving to truly thriving.

“For me, doing both group therapy and individual keeps me balanced. I find that when I’m not as consistent with either, the wheels sort of start wobbling and maybe one wheel comes off. So then I remind myself why it needs to be a priority,” said Emily. “I feel like it makes me a better mom when I take the time to do the therapy.”  

Editor’s note: Steel Magnolia Moms will host the 5th annual Holiday Market on Nov. 7, 11 a.m.-6 p.m. in the Blue Box of the Powder Keg located at 1300 Brittmoore Road. All proceeds of the market support mental health, personal wellness, and respite for moms of children with special needs. For more information about SMM or to purchase online-only Grand Slam tickets to the market, go to steelmagnoliamoms.com.