Let Them: Putting the mantra to work

Have you heard about The Let Them Theory? It’s the title of the motivational podcaster, author, and speaker Mel Robbins’ new book. It’s also the new mantra for millions of people who follow her, and for millions more who are friends of her followers.

If you haven’t heard about it yet, you likely will. It’s hard to get far without someone saying let them, and someone else nodding in agreement. Recently I was playing mahjong in a small room with four tables of players. One person mentioned reading The Let Them Theory, and play at all four tables stopped while we talked over each other about reading the book, listening to the podcast, or putting the theory to work.

The book The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can’t Stop Talking About is a #1 New York Times bestseller and one of Oprah’s best books of 2025. Robbins’ premise: “If you’ve ever felt stuck, overwhelmed, or frustrated with where you are, the problem isn’t you. The problem is the power you give to other people. Two simple words – Let Them – will set you free.” Basically: let them do what they want, say what they will, behave in ways you wouldn’t. Stay in your own lane, don’t judge, and refuse to be judged. 

That simple mantra – let them – has made Robbins more of a household name than she already was. Her previous book The 5 Second Rule prompts followers to get up and out of bed within five seconds of their alarm beeping. And The High 5 Habit espouses that by giving yourself a high-five in the mirror every morning, your outlook will improve.

Neither could hurt, but I can’t get behind high-fiving myself in the mirror every day, or even popping out of bed without hitting snooze. But let them do whatever works. 

One friend heard about the book while on vacation with several couples, all of whom were discussing the concept. “It’s a simple read, and it just frees you from having to worry about what someone else thinks of you,” she says. “Some of us humans can obsess over whether somebody likes us, or what they think about us, or whether we are being judged. I think we all do that.

“It is really what people need, with all the political turmoil and people not getting along. Let them vote for who they want, agree to disagree, and we’re moving on. Wouldn’t it be great for third graders to learn how to say let them?”

But even as we all strive to let them be, The Let Them Theory has stirred up its own controversy. Cassie Phillips, a Virginia mother and author, wrote a poem entitled Let Them when her military husband returned from the Middle East several years ago. She had been struggling with depression and began living by the concept of let them, which she says saved her. The poem (much abbreviated) includes: 

Just Let them.

If they want to choose something or someone over you, LET THEM…

…Let them show you who they truly are, not tell you…

…Let them have a safe place in you.

Let them see the heart in you that didn’t harden.

Let them love you.

It went viral on social media, and Phillips tattooed her arm with “Let them” in her own handwriting. 

Three years later, Robbins published her Let Them Theory book, which she says she was inspired to write when her daughter pointed out that Robbins was micro-managing her son’s prom night. Her daughter Sawyer, a co-author of the book, said, “Mom, if Oakley and his friends want to go to a taco bar for pre-prom, LET THEM. It’s their prom. Not yours.”

Now there’s let them merch, and a copycat The Art of Letting Them book by “Cassandra Philips” (note the absence of an extra “L” in “Philips”), and numerous Substack articles about plagiarism (one entitled “Let me plagiarize”). Whose idea was it?

To those who say Robbins capitalized on a concept that has been around at least since Phillips’ poem, and probably for ages, my friend says, “I’m just glad she brought it to the forefront, whether or not it’s a new concept. She put it on the map, and it’s helping people.”

It’s also spinning off into late-night comedy territory. Actor Becca Bastos has dressed up in a wig and posted videos impersonating Robbins: “So your husband of 18 years met a woman on a work trip and got her pregnant. Let them. Let the baby be ugly.”

I bet Robbins and Phillips both are having to put those let them mantras to work now.