Text Me

Thanks to middle age, I am perfectly suited to feel the wrath of two generations. A common topic is communication.

My mom chastises me, via voicemail, for not listening to her messages. “I’m going to text you now to listen to your voicemail,” she says. “But you won’t.”

My 13-year-old daughter berates me when I call instead of text. She hasn’t even set up her voicemail. She also doesn’t see the point of email, unless it’s with a teacher. Her friends talk by text, Instagram, Snapchat, occasionally Twitter or, increasingly, Kik – an app that lets you message without revealing your phone number or real name.

Texting your children does not, of course, mean they will respond. In fact, their rules of etiquette seem to actually forbid it.

One of those humorous screenshots going around shows a father texting his teen son. It goes something like: “Son, we’ve decided to buy you a car.” The son replies, immediately, “What? Really? That’s incredible! Thank you!!” The father replies: “No. We just wanted to see if you get our texts.”

Perhaps at no other time have communication preferences been so dependent on one’s generation. But age isn’t the only factor. Personality type plays a big part, as does the intimacy of the relationship.

Old-school landline users don’t always realize you may keep a cell phone by the bed at night for emergencies. Every dinging text turns into an unwelcome wake-up call.

One local businesswoman has a client who texted her at 2 a.m. to reschedule an appointment. It could have been handled in the morning, or via email. Did she say anything? No. She figured her silence was response enough. (She needs to discover her iPhone’s “Do Not Disturb” feature for nighttime, which mutes all calls except “Favorite” contacts you identify.)

While everybody knows you generally don’t telephone working adults after 10 p.m. and before 8 a.m., and you usually don’t make non-essential work calls outside of traditional business hours, not everybody knows the same time rules apply to texting.

Oliver Diaz, who owns the multimedia-design company FuelFX, says business communication generally starts via the most removed, professional medium, say, LinkedIn. And then it gets increasingly familiar, moving to email, then office phone, then cell phone and finally text. Then again, he says, if you are selling, start face to face if possible, and then back off and use video or phone conferencing, personal calls and, finally, email. “People are more likely to commit to something, be swayed or be true to their word when you can read each other’s body language,” he says.

For especially meaningful correspondence, you still can’t beat a handwritten note. As marketing manager Florence Kosmala says, “I’ve recently received a formal thank you card at work from a 30-something colleague. When I expressed my surprise, he said, ‘Don’t you like it? Doesn’t it make you feel special?’ I had to agree.”

Personally, I find phone calls intrusive and loathe cumbersome voicemail, but I’ll email, text, instant-message or post on Facebook all day with you.

Whenever the landline rings – we keep it for our security system – I startle and worry somebody has died and an older relative is calling to tell us. The only people who call it are salespeople, our moms and HISD.

I don’t like how calls yank me from whatever I’m concentrating on. I’m a deliberate thinker, and phone conversations are so fast-paced. With written messages, I can ponder and carefully compose a hopefully insightful reply.

But my extroverted, people-loving boss LOVES phone calls. They’re faster for her, and she likes the energy and free-flowing ideas that inevitably come from two people exchanging on-the-cuff thoughts.

We have talked about our differences, which has been helpful. She now emails as much as possible, and I try to be cheerful when she calls to talk things out. For long phone conversations, she will text first to give a heads up that she will call at a certain time.

Sue Feinberg, a speechwriter, says her family’s preferences are evolving too: “My mother-in-law didn’t even know how to use her cell phone, and now all she’ll do is text me. It’s better than talking. I couldn’t ever get off the phone before. It’s probably gotten me in less trouble because I’m less likely to say something she doesn’t like.”

Talking isn’t the only way to get in trouble. As my husband reminded me: “Slow down and watch for typos on that tiny keyboard. While riding in a cab to an important business meeting, I informed two colleagues that I was in the can and would be there as soon as I could.”